I didn't say it isn't, but I never said it was

I don't have anyone to blame this space on, even though I've been trying. I am sad for the length. When can I have a worthwhile dinner? I wouldn't have minded a party. People must be tired of my parties. What is three years? Three years ago I was in a different country, did anyone expect me to stay? It's like watching yourself die and then living to see the world go forward, hearing the plans for seeing a show, without you, go to their new job--I will do it too, but right now I'm just sitting in an empty apartment dealing with sudden echos. This time I figured I'd just slink out the back door since any sort of organized "see you later" usually doesn't solve what you think it will solve. I'd rather not know the last time, but instead to have someone's absence leak in on its own. Three years will see most of you in and out of so much. Will you recognize me when I get back? Am I coming back? When am I coming back? You're getting older, and I'm getting older too. Eventually we may get too old for this shit, you may just get too old for me--I don't know how I'll be able to explain myself after this. I guess I'd be scared if I wasn't so goddamned lazy.